Back to Reality

I should really go back and change the title of my previous post. Its embarrassing really. I was all hearts and butterflies and happy agility nirvana. Yeah, well… that was a glimpse into what it could be like. We swiftly and spectacularly fell back over to the other side last night.

I guess it wasn’t a total disaster. No one was maimed or seriously hurt, nothing exploded, I don’t think I offended anyone (other than they may have been mildly offended by having the watch my ineptness)…. But Forest looked at me like I had three heads and was asking him to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. “Three jumps in a row? Whats that?” “Weave poles? Never seen ’em.” ” ‘Please don’t wander away aimlessly from the start line?’ I have no idea what you’re talking about.” It was bad enough to the point of me running half a course with the trainer holding his leash. Yeah, it was bad.

I’ve never really thought about quitting, but last night was the first time it crossed my mind. Some of the many things I learned last night—I don’t know how to play with my dog; I am not consistent in my cues, reward system or handling; my dog is very sensitive (kinda was already starting to figure that one out); and that I get really really shrill when I am freaking out (I guess I kinda knew that one too, was just horribly reminded of it last night).

It was embarrassing. I was verging on being very much like the one woman at trials who when I see I immediately go the other direction because she is so wound up, and screaming at her dogs, and has zero control and just looks miserable. That’s probably why I steer clear of her, because I know how she feels. Don’t they say we most criticize the traits we detest in ourselves?

The one observation that wasn’t a crushing blow, actually slightly validating, was that the trainer actually said that he is “a complex dog” and in not so many words is not easy to train. Finally, someone said it. No one else has ever actually said that to me before. I just felt like it was always assumed/implied that I was inept or just not training/trying hard enough.

So I dont know. I am sure I can talk further to her about it. I dont know if I should keep slogging through it with Forest? Apparently my handling skills are horrid, so should I go back to square one with him and actually start over? Or maybe start with Pierre and give Forest a break? I want to ask the trainer all of these things but I also dont want to come off as a drama queen. Maybe I’ll sit on it until tomorrow and try to compose myself into a semi-rational being so I can have a semi-rational conversation…

Ugh.

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